I'm so sorry but I need to take a step back from places I use to frequent... they just bring back painful memories and I feel like I don't matter, I just need to be alone... whether I rise or fall it doesn't matter. I just need to be away....
Seeing young lovers reminds me of how blind I was to the heartache I would later on feel. I remember how happy I was back then, but I also remember the pain. It is a bittersweet feeling. I am growing, and yet there is that lingering pain. Growth... it is beautiful... it is a journey... but never easy...
We love you, Kai!
Looking back the past three years... things have changed... they have changed in a way I never would've expected. My worst fears became my reality. I fell for an old friend unexpectedly, after reuniting with them. I loved them harder than anyone I've ever been with. I wish I could fix things. I really tried, but they didn't want to anymore. It tore me UP, and I'm slowly moving on... even though I didn't want to. I put myself through so much emotional turmoil. I put myself through literal hell for them, and would be more than willing to go through any obstacle, though emotionally difficult, if it meant they were by my side... except, they didn't want to keep trying anymore. I get it. Not everyone has that level of determination. If only I had that level of determination towards myself... but I can't take back how he made me feel. Everything... I loved him so much, and I still do... and I wish him well.
I'm sorry Riley. I'm sorry for everything.
There are a few things I am beginning to understand and accept in life. One of those things is that people move on. “Friends” forget you and move on with their lives, and end up replacing you. Bye bye, you don’t matter. The second thing is people may dislike you and there’s not much to be done about it. Some don’t want to listen and reconcile with you even if you want to make peace and others potentially happy. “That’s just life”, they say. Is it? Kind of, well... shitty. Ah well, I’ll learn in time maybe.
Those are merely shards of an example as to why I choose my own company often times.
Welcome to my world.
The Samurai set herself up to perform in a little tavern nearby, with a small “orchestra” her little sister prepared her flute for the song, which was sung to the tune of Rattay Feasts from KCD.
“Alright, well, it goes like this!” She coughs, clearing her throat.
Once upon a time
I met a tiger general,
For his armor ‘twas made of gold,
and his eyes shined like the emerald
He was the most noble warrior
These two eyes had seen!
Sometimes my mind wanders back
to what we could have been!
Then the day arrived
I had to leave the city!
I could sense him from behind,
He wanted to come with me!
I told him with a heavy heart, “I must go alone.”
Once I left the city’s walls,
He stood there on his own.
Does he ever dream at night?
How I look in the moonlight,
Or us fighting side by side?
Fighting evil day and night!
I gotta, gotta get,
I’m going back to Delgin!
There I will confront his King
To tell him that I love him!
“A warrior of nobility, and strength he did possess
If I cannot apologize, my heart will never rest!”
There I, there I was,
I was back in Delgin
Accompanied by his King,
We went to the courtyard
In a fever of excitement I kicked open the doors!
It was then and there that I heard a mighty roar!
Why you should have seen the look plastered on his face!
Once I ran and tackled him, in a romantic embrace!
She would bow, the crowd laughing and cheering at this little love story. “Thank you, thank you!”
YEE! *throws panties on stage*
Heartbreak feels too much sometimes, especially when feelings are still there. I cry and it still hurts the same. I have these dark thoughts. It’s hard to cope. You beg for mercy, but there isn’t any. No matter how exhausted you are inside.
Think of me, think of me fondly
When we've said goodbye
Remember me, once in a while
Please promise me you'll try
When you find that once again you long
To take your heart back and be free
If you ever find a moment
Spare a thought for meWe never said our love was evergreen
Or as unchanging as the sea
But if you can still remember
Stop and think of me
Think of all the things
We've shared and seen
Don't think about the way
Things might have beenThink of me, think of me waking
Silent and resigned
Imagine me trying too hard
To put you from my mind
Recall those days
Look back on all those times
Think of the things we'll never do
There will never be a day
When I won't think of you
“The noble man stood. And the people looked to him. For he was a beacon — hope given form, yet still only a man. And within that truth there was great promise. If one man could stand against the night, then so too could anyone. So too could everyone. In his strong hand, the man held a rose. And his aura burned bright.”